It’s been a long time since I have stepped outside my home. With all such dreadful news flying in the air, stepping out is becoming more and more difficult. And to think about all the precautions that one needs to take, makes going out unbearable. If I think about not going out for a week, maybe a few months back, I would have definitely felt insane. There were days when even though there was no necessity to hop out, I would still go, maybe just for a stroll. In fact, truth to be told, I loved going out for any reason whatsoever.
But something seems to be changing with time. I am losing all my urge to go out. I feel terrified of the fact that I have go out. There can be numerous reasons for my lacklustre life. One, before going out, I have to make sure that I wear clothes which I am planning to give for washing, have to put on my mask, carry a sanitizer, carry a carry-bag, keep my mobile at home and the worst of it all, wear a headgear. To go out, maybe for 5 minutes, even for small reasons, such amount of preparation seems to be very tiresome. Two, on coming back to home, there seems to be series of drum-roll activities which is mandatory, otherwise I will be banned from my home. Upon returning, I have to directly run to the washroom, have a bath, wash my clothes and sanitize myself and everything I have bought. And then i am allowed to enter my room. Such huge amount of patience is needed. But what I now think is that I am not going out, not because of the two reasons. These two reasons are like fillers, trying to rationalize the situation and give a plausible explanation to my brain as to why I am not going out. The real reason, which i realized a few days back is completely shocking for me, even after self-realization.
The sole reason is completely psychological. My brain seems to have completely adapted to the new normal and somehow, with time, I ended up liking the isolation. Whenever chances of going out crops out, I do not get the urge to dress up to go out. My brain have completely accepted the fact that if I stay inside, I will be able to keep away the danger of contracting the infection. The truth is I am trying to delay the inevitable and somehow I got too much comfortable at home. Most of the times, I watch series or I study. Either of the two. I have also stopped ordering food from outside, via delivery boys, underlying reason is the fear of contracting infection. It seems like I have reached the peak where I do not feel the urgency nor the necessity to go out.
But, there is a problem with this kind of psychological fear. As our government is trying to bring about Unlock in phases, I still feel that there is no need to go outside, for the slightest of reasons. There is a very high chance that it might not be just me, many people across the globe might be feeling this. But they might not be comfortable opening up about this. So according to what I believe, that it might be very impressive as to what the government is doing to combat the entire issue, but at the same time, mental health and welfare institutions must also come in fore-front to break this silo and to take steps to rebuild this psychological breakdown.